第一次买验孕棒 <--- 不是我滴The First Time Making a Purchase for Pregnancy Test Kit – Not Mine
那一天，有个陌生的号码sms我说她最近身体不舒服，不知是不是“中奖”了。又是陌生的号码，上次告诉我她把第一次献给有家室男人的那个好女孩也是陌生的号码。
为什么你们做莫喜欢匿名sms我谈心事，今年中国报的教育版约满了我是不是可以过去 iFeel 杂志写专栏？写给：白雪姐姐的秘密信箱，不过你们不好问我，我完全没经验，恋爱也只谈过一次，不过你们可以问我怎么拒绝追求者，这个我勉强算是有点经验。囧
OK，我当然是拉拉淋 sms 回去关心她，不然她跑去厕所冲掉孩子就不好了，如果她觉得那个小花生可以冲得走的话。\(^o^)/~
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我跟她说，我会回去KL，百忙中经过 watson 或 guardian 都可以帮你买一支验孕棒回来。
就这样星期六下午2点，我出现在 Mid Valley Watson 大门口。
我叫伴随我的男性朋友站在 watson 外面绕几圈等我，等下人家以为我跟你来买验孕棒那就不好了，到时我的 value 从及格的 60 掉到不及格的 59 ，那么就真的“摆家聊”。(不得了)
我一进店里，就立刻抓一个人来问。
这个女人-scan-不要 帅哥？-scan-更不要 aunty-scan-不要不要！！！
最后，我找了个马来妹，人家没有读我blog，比较“稳镇”。
“Kak，我要验孕棒”
她问我：“miss，你要怎么样的？”
“我要最好的，不过，不是我用的(!!!)”
“这个就是最好的”
“RM19.80，这里最贵的就是最好的啦？”
“apa？”
“Tak ade apa-apa” 呵呵呵
好，杀你！
然后我就把验孕棒放在外套里，鬼祟地走去柜台。
柜台姐姐把验孕棒的 code scan 了 scan，就在我犹豫着要不要买薄荷 mentos 的时候，她突然把验孕棒举得很高，就在我腰围这样的高度(很高啦OK！)。我叫了出来，两只手压着她那两只不通气的手。这时，全 watson 都灯息了，剩下一盏大光灯照着我们。
她看着我说，“tak mau plastic ke？”
“mau mau！mau plastic！” 平时白雪超人都好保护地球的，不过这次超人都自身难保了。
我现在不用 plastic 包着这支验孕棒，等下被熟人认出兼误会我就要包着我自己了。 她找了 RM30.20 给我，幸好附近没熟人，一支箭-撇！
很快的，白雪就像传说中的仙女姐姐，消失在人群中。
童言童语：我问她，你跟你老公没有避孕计划的meh。她说这世上有一样东西叫作“意外”。原来安全套这么不安全，以后我结婚后要用plastic bag了，还要事先装水test test看。@___@
Some time ago a new number texted me, telling me she didn’t feel well lately. She’s worried that she’s probably pregnant. New number again – the previous time when someone told me that she had given up her virginity to a married man, that girl texted me with a new number too.
How come all of you like to SMS-chat me as unnamed individuals? Perhaps after I finish writing articles for China Press’s Education section this year I can opt to be a columnist for iFeel magazine? Write to: Sister Snow’s Secret Post Box. But hey, you guys are not advised to ask for my advice as I’m a complete novice who had only been in love for one. However you can ask me how to reject guys. Humbly speaking, I’m slightly experienced in this matter. 囧
OK, of course I replied her out of concern immediately. It won’t be good if she flushed the kid down the toilet – if she happened to think that that little peanut in her womb could be flushed. \(^o^)/~
I told her I will go back to KL and I can buy her a pregnancy test kid from Watson or Guardian.
So at 2.00pm on Saturday, I appeared at the entrance of Mid Valley Watson.
I asked my male friend who accompanied me to wait for me outside Watson. It won’t be good if people think I’m here to buy pregnancy test kit with you – that will cause my value to decrease immediately from the passing grade of 60 to the failing grade of 59. Then I’m done.
Upon entrance, I hastily got someone to ask.
This lady – scan – no
Hunk? – scan – no, definitely no
Auntie – scan, No way!
In the end I got a Malay girl. She definitely didn’t read my blog, so I’m “safer”.
“Kak, aku nak pregnancy test kit.”
She asked me:” Miss, you nak macam mana punya?”
“Bagi yang terbaik. Tapi bukan I yang guna (!!!)”
“Ini yang paling baik.”
“Rm 19.80, yang paling mahal tu paling bagus lah?”
“Apa?”
“Takde apa-apa.” Heh!
Alright, so I’ll take this!
I placed it in my jacket and walked sneakily to the counter.
The receptionist scanned the code scan of the item. Just when I was thinking whether I should buy mentos, she suddenly raised the item to the height of my waist. I screamed and pressed down her hands with my hands. Precisely at that moment all lights at Watson was turned off, leaving only one exceptionally bright light which shone on us.
She looked at me and asked: “Tak mau plastic ke?”
“Mau mau! Mau plastic!” Usually Snow White the Superhero advocates about saving earth but right now, superhero couldn’t even save herself.
If I don’t wrap this item with plastic, I’ll have to wrap myself when I – I mean, if I – was caught red-handed in possession of this item by someone I know later.She returned the change of RM 30.20 to me. Thank god I didn’t meet anyone I know. Of course I dashed away as soon as possible!
At the speed of light, Snow White disappeared in the crowd the way fairies do in fairy tales.
I asked her, don’t you have any family plans with your husband? She said there’s something called “accident.” I’ve no idea condoms are so unreliable. Next time when I get married I’ll need to use plastic bags, and before I use them I’ll need to test them by filling it with water first.
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